Poetry from the beginning

I have been writing poetry for about as long as I can remember and even more so since my healing journey with Christ has begun. So this is what I have written since this amazing journey began.

Save Me
I’m begging forgiveness
Hoping You’ll take my hand
And bring me to a place
Where I’m able to stand
I need Your wisdom
To show me the light
I need Your strength
To live through the night
I want to run away
And hide in my shell
I need You to pull me
From my living hell
Your words give knowledge
Of the path I must take
But how do I get there
If this pain is my fate
How can accept
That which I can’t change
It’s been so long
That we’ve been estranged
Save me from my demons
And show me I’m special
God, will You save me
And send me Your angel?
October 14, 2011

Finally Alive
You know my heart
You know my soul
So in my weakness
I’m giving up control
I need Your strength
To carry me through
And to show me how
I should live for You
Lord, my heart is broken
I’m putting it in your hand
I’m trusting You
So please help me stand
Help me stand
When I am weak
Bring me words
When I can’t speak
Lord, please hear me
Do You hear my cries
Or are they getting
Lost in the skies
I know You’re there
Forgive my doubt
I don’t need to know
What this hurt is about
All need is Your love
And I will survive
Lord, with Your love
I’m finally alive
November 12, 2011

Your Words
Your eyes see black and white
You don’t see the gray
When life is less than perfect
That is not okay
I’ve craved your love
And words of praise
But guilt, anger, and shame
Are what you say
How can I hold on
When you criticize
And won’t let me move past
The thousands of lies
I try to stand strong
But your words knock me down
I will retrace my steps
And land back on the ground
I want what is right
What God wants for me
But you use your words
And I can’t be set free
How can I please you
What is it you want?
If I want to move forward
I need to stay distant
Your anger shuts me down
I can’t handle the shame
But according to you
I am the one to blame
I admit that I’ve lied
And I know that I’ve hurt
But you have hurt too
And rubbed my face in the dirt
Please know that I love you
I want to make this work
But I need to ask you
To be careful with your words
December 7, 2011

What’s Right
Why can’t I walk away
And leave pain behind
And erase the years I lived
While my eyes were blind
Take my hurt, hate, and shame
Step into the wound
And pull out the pain
Let this new heart bloom
Jesus, can you hear me?
Please take this away
Why don’t You save me
And show me the way
Maybe I’m being selfish
And expecting too much?
But, Lord right now,
I just want to give up.
I need Your strength
And Your guiding light
I need Your word
To show me what’s right.
December 12, 2011

I Am More
The stars shining across the sky leave me wondering where You are.
If You created all of this, why do I have these scars?
You’ve brought hope to my heart and  love where there was none,
But what about this brokenness, just look at what I’ve done.
I’ve done nearly all the things Satan tempted me to do,
I heard the lies and followed sin, the devil won and I denied You.
But somehow You still love me, You’re still knocking on the door
How could I have never known, You made me for more
I am more than what I’ve done, what I’ve said and seen
Only because of Your blood, my sins have all been cleaned
The Enemy won the battle, but will always lose the war
Because whatever the endeavor, You will have the higher score.
December 12, 2011

The Rope
I’m holding on to the end
If I let go I will die
I’m hanging over the edge
But You hear my cry
Minute by minute
This rope gets shorter
Second by second
It’s harder to hold
But just when I feel
Like I’m at the end
You throw me some slack
And You’re arms stretch out
Please don’t let go
I am falling
Please give me strength
I am drowning
January 10, 2012

Your Blood
Your grace is a gift
I’m afraid to unwrap
Your healing transforms
But I’m afraid of the change
Your love renews life
Revives a broken heart
But I’m afraid of this heart
That I might break it again
Your mercy cleanses souls
Wipes away all my sin
What was stained with my blood
Is purified by Yours
January 10, 2012

The Search for Hope
I’ve been told pray for hope
To search, I will find it
But I’ve denied the truth
I won’t just admit
“God, I am lost,
Can You find me here?
It’s hard to believe
That YOU want me near”
In my search I have found
False hopes here and there
I never searched in Him
I pleaded through prayer
But now I have found
I can search and find
When I pray through faith
His hope fills my mind
January 10, 2012

Attributes of God
When I didn’t know You
I despised who You were
The dark the consumed me
Made Your light blur
Now You’ve taken the darkness
And You’ve cast it away
You’ve brought me a light
To show me Your way
You have opened my eyes
So that I can learn
About the One who made me
Who can fill this yearn

With your sovereign heart
You rule over me
The one You created
The one Your set free
You are unchanging
Your Word, always true
When I feel “not good enough”
You show who I am in You
You bring justice to sinners
To pay for their sins
And You make it known
That evil can’t win
But by Your grace I am saved
Though I don’t deserve
You take all my sins
And fill me with Your Word
Your mercy’s the gift
Of the death of Your Son
So that I may live
In Your Heavenly Kingdom
Your wisdom knows more
Than I ever can
Please help me to follow
Your master plan
Through Your love, I can love
Even when I’ve been hurt
The Holy Spirit inside me
Will bring me Your comfort
You are holy, above all
You’re worthy of praise
Once I opened the door
You took  away my dark days
You are eternal
For You created the time
From beginning to end
It all came from Your mind.

Your greatness amazes me
In new ways each day
Your glory has shown me
That I will be okay.
January 29, 2012

Don’t Quit
Mommy and Daddy fought, they just couldn’t get along
They played a different tune, but sang the same ol’ song
The children paid the price of their hate and sin
When Satan kills a marriage, a little girl can’t win
She cried out for her daddy, she needed his protection
She begged for someone to show, just a little affection
Mommy said she loved, but love just wasn’t felt
The girl learned how to live, in the hand she had been dealt
She learned how to hurt, and how to hide her pain
No one came to help, to scream was just in vain
She covered her wounds but never let them heal
If she denied it had happened, she could call it unreal
She finally hit bottom and knew she couldn’t deny
The pain in her heart that made her soul die
So she cried out to Him, “Please, Jesus, come near,
I’m can’t do this on my own, won’t You meet me here.”
So Jesus reached out and took her in His arms
And said to her, “Child, I’ll protect you from harm.
Nothing can hurt you when I live in your heart.
Take peace in knowing, I give you a fresh start.”
She can finally let go and let herself feel
In His arms, she knows, one day, she’ll heal.
Although it may hurt as she faces the guilt and the shame,
He never promised it’d be easy, but that He’d never quit the game.
January 30, 2012

From Orphaned to Adopted
Daddy was gone
And mom and I fought
I was alone in this world
….Or so I thought
Abandoned and lost
No safe place to hide
Emotionally orphaned
But I pushed You aside
My heart longed for love
But I over looked You
Thought no one could love me
If they only knew
I searched for belonging
And I yearned for protection
Not knowing, without You
I’d keep finding rejection

Finally I answered
The knock at the door
And was face to face with a love
I’d never heard of before
I’ve lied and I’ve sinned
And I’ve flat out denied You
Fed my longings with poison
But in truth, I still craved You
I’ve searched for life
In the thick of worldly things
But all that aside
I’ve been adopted by a King
January 30, 2012

Unbroken Promises
When I call out for help, if I honestly trust
You hear my cry and surround me with love (Psalm 145:18)
When my heart is broken and my spirit’s crushed
You take my sorrow and heal me from above (Psalm 34:18)
When I am scared and my soul feels wrong
My heart will not fear for I am confident in You (Psalm 27:3)
When the Enemy attacks, I am courageous and strong
Because You won’t let him win, You’ll see me through (Deuteronomy 31:6)
When my road is winding and I don’t get my mind,
You straighten the path and my hope is repaired(Proverbs 3:5-6)
When I’m as scared of what’s next as I am to rewind
You give me hope for a future of good, not despair (Jeremiah 29:11)
When I feel like I’ve failed, like I’ve fallen too far
You offer forgiveness and call me Your child (1 John 1:9)
When my anxious soul trembles and my heart’s entered war
This is where your love if profiled (1 Peter 5:7)
When I am blinded, it’s dark and the edges are sharp
You lead my way, bring me light and make edges smooth (Isaiah 42:16)
When I am an outcast and my vision is warped,
You bring me back to life as You heal my wounds (Jeremiah 30:17)
When I should be dead for what I have done
You stretch out Your grace so I am saved (Ephesians 2:4-5)
When I finally realize how I need Your Son
I give up my life to accept what You gave.
February 1, 2012

Who I Am
You took my hand
And You’re leading me through
I never thought I would change
Just by meeting You
But I have and You keep
On working in me
You set out the darkness
So I’ll be set free
Day by day I move closer
To knowing the truth
As I cling to the hope
Of who I am in You
February 1, 2012

Do I ask too much?
God, I’m awake
And I’m begging for You
I’m begging for rest
Please help, I’m confused
Blessed by Your grace
And saved by Your love
But God, right now
I’m struggling to trust
Anger burns in me
Why, I don’t know
God, I am drowning
Why don’t You let go
Fear’s suffocating
Of the things I can see
Right now, all I want
Is to quit being me
I know You are here
But my vision is blurry
I can’t see Your work
Amidst all my fury
Teach me, oh God
What is Your plan
What’s good about this
I don’t understand
So open the eyes
Of my unbelief
I’m begging for life
Free from the grief
If I ask too much
I’m sorry, again
But still I pray
In Your name, Amen.
February 3, 2012

Denial
What is denial?
What do I hide?
Where is the truth?
Where did I lie?
Have I been honest?
Have I been fake?
How did I give?
How did I take?
Who have I hurt?
Who has hurt me?
Will I make amends?
Will I be free?
When did this start?
When did I learn?
Why all the pain?
Why no concern?

What is Your grace?
What is Your hope?
Where is Your heart?
Where is Your rope?
Have You been there?
Have I not seen?
How do You love?
How am I clean?
Who am I in You?
Who will I be?
Will I be Yours?
Will You live in me?
When can I hear You?
When can I know?
Why You are with me?
Why You don’t let go?
February 4, 2012

Finally Found
Footprints in the sand, right next to mine
I never knew, You walked by my side

I don’t remember, when I first strayed
Never had I learned of the price You paid

But even in doubt, You collected my tears
In disbelief I took in Satan’s lies and fears

I have cried out and I’ve lied to Your face
I’ve been lost in my life without Your grace

But You had hope in me, while I was lost
Although You knew, I’d deny Your cost

I’ve denied and I’ve lied, said I didn’t care
And for far too long, I said You weren’t there

You believed in my faith when even I couldn’t
You saw me drowning and You stopped the current

But now that I’ve given, my life up for You
You’ve picked me up and You carry me through

A love I’ve never seen, it fills my heart
A peace I’ve never known, let’s me restart

For 24 years, I was blind and confused
Now I know and I see, I belong to You
February 4, 2012

Faith Brings Joy (From Romans 5:1-11 NLT)
I entered through faith into His sight
Filled with His peace – wrongs turned to right
A savior who died for you, me, and the rest
All of us sinners, He saved us in death (v. 1)
I rejoice in hope, in the presence of glory
Though I don’t deserve, I’m removed from my worry
I joyfully stand, in the presence of His grace
And I’m fully convinced, I’m not a disgrace (v. 2)
Faced with troubles, I can rejoice in Him
In the one who saved me from temptation of sin
And though it may hurt, we I can’t see the cure
It’s only in Him, that my hope will endure (v. 3)
The more I endure, my character grows
Each day I learn what I before didn’t know
As I get stronger, I can resist temptation
And faithfully feel my hope for salvation (v. 4)
My hope will prove, in Him, to be true
For God sent His Son, for me and for you
The Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit in me
Fills me with a love that makes my eyes see (v. 5)
Pleading for mercy, as a sinner who’s helpless
There is only one way, from a sinner to sinless
In God’s plan, in God’s time, Jesus died for us
The ultimate act, because He loves that much (v. 6)
Would you be willing to die for the good
To die for the righteous, maybe you would
But do you know any who would die for sin
Who would make a way for losers to win (v. 7)
I can tell you of one, who showed His great love
Who died for sinners so we could climb above
Above all of our pain and all of our fear
To the one whose love is unchanging through years (v. 8)
And the blood that was shed, made us right in the eyes
Of the One who created each of our lives
Jesus came to save us from God’s condemnation
And we received His gift, the gift of salvation (v. 9)
Now I call God a friend, a loving Father
Restored through death, I am His daughter
Even for enemies, He sacrificed
All that He had, His only Son’s life (v. 10)
So now I can rejoice in the love of the Lord
No other love can save the whole world
It’s only in death that I can live
It’s only to God, my life I will give (v. 11)
February 6, 2012

My Unbelief (Mark 9:24)
Faith is a gift
I can’t claim on my own
It’s a place in my heart
Must be nurtured and grown
I have faith in a God
Whom I cannot touch
But I can know He’s there
When I feel His great love
It’s all around my life
In all that I see
In the air I breathe
And the wind in the trees
I see His creation
Like lights in the dark
And although I believe
There’s still a small part
A part of me that doubts
In all that He can do
Can He really heal me?
And make my heart new?
His power consumes me
I see it all around
The earth to the heavens
His glory surrounds
I am but a speck
In all He’s created
But a speck that He loves
So much that He waited
He waited for me
To open my eyes
And see who He is
To remove my disguise
So as I am falling
Crying at His feet
I look up to the cross
“Please help my unbelief!”
February 6, 2012

Forgiveness and Love (Luke 7:47)
Her sins – they are many,
Fall as tears at Your feet.
Undeserving, she knows;
But begs to You, “Please,
Please, Lord forgive me
For all that I’ve done
Let me share in Your mercy
In Your grace I am home.”
Her small acts of love
Are nothing next to Yours
But in confessing her sins
You’ve made her heart pure
You’ve cleansed her of anger
From the hand she was dealt
Taught her to forgive
All the pain she has felt
To wholly forgive
Means to wholly love
In this moment she cries
Out to the Holy One
“I’ve forgiven those;
Who’ve sinned against me.
Thank You for forgiveness.
For Your love and peace!”
February 6, 2012

My Cross (Luke 9:23)
When I wake in the morning
What do I ask?
What will You do for me?
Or do I put my needs last?
Please help me to place,
My needs aside.
To worship and praise You,
With all of my life.
I want to pick up,
And shoulder my cross.
To make Your love known,
To the scared and the lost.
So this is my prayer:
That You’ll help me deny,
Myself and my wants;
And praise Your name on High.
Help me to serve,
To give as You gave.
Help me show the world,
They, too, can be saved.
February 6, 2012

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