Things I never knew

I know that I can’t possibly be the only person in the world who looks back on their life and thinks, “wow, how could I have been so stupid.”

My life, at times, has seemed to be crumbling beneath my feet and I tried every possible thing in the world to ease the pain…except God. For some reason, seeking help from God wasn’t even something I ever considered. I don’t remember what age I was when I decided that there was no such thing as God. If there was a God, how could He allow such pain in this world? How could He allow so much hurt in a little girl’s life – hurt that she had no control over. What kind of God is that?

I wish I could go back in time and talk to the 16 year old me. I would tell myself that God really is there in the midst of the pain, anger, and fear. Quit doubting Him because of how much you hurt. He never promised life’d be easy, but He did promise that He’d see you through.

You see, Jackie (that’s how I spelled my name back then), you’ve experienced your fair share of hurt in life – but God never wastes a hurt. I know that you can’t see it now, but God will use you to speak into other peoples lives.

Hold on kid, life will be alright. I know you don’t understand it right now. But one day your eyes will be opened as if for the first time.

Sincerely,
Your older self

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