Monthly Archives: March 2012

How do You Rate Sin?

I guess this needs to begin with WHAT sin is. Sin is ANYTHING you think, say, or do that displeases God. Which means that we are ALL sinners because we have ALL fallen short of the glory of God.

That being said, why do we (and when I say we I am talking about myself as well) insist on rating sin? We all do it. We look at someone else and think, “Oh my gosh, can you believe what that person did?” or “Look at what a horrible thing that person did to me. I’ll never be in a room with that person again.” But what about what God says: Romans 3:10-12 As the Scriptures say, “No one is righteous – not even one. No one is truly wise; no one is seeking God. All have turned away; all have become useless. No one does good, not a single one.”

So basically, what I’m getting at here is that, to God, gossiping with your friends is just as bad as murdering someone.

There is so much that I don’t understand in this life, which is okay because one day everything will make sense. One day, when I am sitting with God I will see how all the puzzle pieces of my life fit together.

Maybe I’m being judgemental, I’m trying not to be because I know that this is something that I do too. I need to remind myself, daily, that I need to not judge other people’s sin – that is not my place and I need to forgive the people who have hurt me.

Some days, I just don’t want to. I don’t want to forgive, I want to stay angry….but really, what is that doing for me other than just stressing me out?


Baby Dedication

So this morning at Grace Bible Church, Robert and dedicated the girls. It was  such a blessing to see how many friends and family we had there to support us.

I am so amazed, on a daily basis, of what God had done in my life. God has transformed me, and he’s not even done with me yet – that in and of itself is simply breathtaking.

My life will never be the same….nor would I want it to be.

The Gift of an Early Wake Up

Rylinn was up this morning at 5:15…and like any other parent, I was not happy to be up that early.

But as I walked toward her room, I heard something beautiful. Rylinn was singing, “mommy mommy mommy.” How could I be upset that this sweet baby girl was awake and happy and wanted to share her happiness with mommy.

So Rylinn and I got up, we ate breakfast, we read, we played with the dog, we watched the news, we had a talk about how pulling mommy’s hair isn’t very nice…and big sister still isn’t awake yet.

Rylinn has never gotten to spend much alone time with mommy considering she is a second child.

I consider myself blessed that I was able to wake up early with my munchkin and spend a few hours with just her before the day starts. She is learning so much and she is so smart.

I am thankful to be her mommy.


In the last 6 weeks, I have begun sharing my poetry with others – and I’ve enjoyed doing it. I have recieved wonderful encouragement from some wonderful people. I have always enjoyed writing, it’s always been my outlet for my angre, frustration, depression, and any other emotion you can think of that I was never able to talk about. So, since I have been sharing my poetry with other’s, I have been asked by a few people to write a poem for them to go along with their testimonies. I feel so honored and bless that God would allow me to do such a wonderful thing.

I never saw my writing as a gift, I never thought I was very good at it – I just had a passion for it. I think God is trying to show me that He did give me a gift for writing and I need to use it to glorify Him.

My next task: I’m going to write a book. If I know anything about life, I know what it is like to grow up without a father, it’s not easy and it can completely destory a young girl’s image of herself. So what I want to do is write a book about my life without a dad, how I found him, what it’s like now, and how it affected me throughout my life.

Please pray for me in this endevour.

Toddlers and the Bible – A Seed of Faith

Last weekend I got the girls their first Bibles. Mackenzie got The Jesus Storybook Bible and Rylinn got the Little Lamb’s Bible (if you know my maiden name, then you know why Rylinn’s Bible is so cute). But anyway, the girls LOVE their Bible’s. Mackenzie carries hers around with her all day and if she doesn’t know where it is she’ll come ask me, “mommy, where’s my Jesus Bible?”

Mackenzie has really been getting into the stories. Right now her favorite is the story of Abraham and Issac. She loves the pictures and she keeps asking, “mommy, where’s Abraham? Where’s Issac?” This is her favorite page within the story of Abraham and Issac:

But I think it is kind of crazy how it took a child’s Bible to make to correlation for me between Issac and Jesus. Mackenzie’s Bible says, “Many years later, another Son would climb another hill, carrying wood on his back. Like Issac, he would trust his Father and do what his Father asked. He wouldn’t struggle or run away.” Sometimes, I think I might learn more from my kids Bible stories than they do…child-like faith 😉

I’m pretty sure that they got their joy for reading from me. I love to lose myself in the pages of a book, and as far as I can remember, I’ve always been       that way. I think I’m becoming more into reading than I was before, if that is at all possible, now that I realize that there is so much that I want to know about God, Jesus, and the amazing thing that was done to save me. Sometimes, I get frustrated and I just wonder, “wow, how could I have never known? How did I never get it? How did no one ever tell me?” But I have to remember that God has a plan for me; Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”  I fully believe, even though I can’t see it now, that God is going to do something with the hurt in my life. He is going to use me to touch people who no one else can touch, for His sake. When I think about it like though, it is also kind of intimidating…the thought that God will use me for His glory and He will, like in the story of Joseph, turn what was meant for evil into good.

I’m glad my girls enjoy reading as much as I do…esspecially on rainy days like today 🙂

Mackenzie is also really funny because she doesn’t understand why the people in her Bible don’t have socks on. She asks, “Where are the mommy and daddy’s socks? or why don’t the girl and boy have shoes?” It is just too funny and kind of hard to explain to her that they don’t need any.

Also, on March 18th at 9am at Grace Bible Church, Robert and I will be dedicating the girls. I am so glad that I got our lives on the right track while the girls are still young. Having God in our lives has made me, and our girls, so much happier.

A totally unrelated thought and poem

1 Peter 3:8-17 8 Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. 9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 10 For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech.11 They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. 12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” 13 Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? 14 But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.” 15 But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16 keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. 17 For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.

I think what really hits me the most is realizing what I am and what I am not in comparison. Why do we have to be told to be all those things? Because, as a fallen man, we are naturally NOT like-minded, sympathetic, loving, compassionate, or humble. We are, naturally, a human race who finds it okay to fight, criticize and insult one another, to put others down and be mean and hateful, and to have hard, closed off hearts.

I’m also kind of glad that we touched on the issue of unjust suffering. I think that, that has been one of my biggest hurdles to overcome in my walk with Christ. I have suffered through quite a few things in my life that were far beyond my control and although some of those things may have been brought upon by my own sin, there are still many situations in my past that were simply unjust and the suffering I endured because of it was completely unfair. I know that we have all heard the say “life’s not fair, get over it,” but what about when that unfairness leads a child to suffer? Verse 13 made me mad the first time I read it, who is going to harm me? The first time I read that, I literally laughed and said, “Should I make a list?” But tonight, I began to see that verse in a different view. Someone pointed out, that if we read that verse in a rhetorical sense, as in WHO is going to harm me and the answer being Satan, who is he compared to God. What can Satan do to me that God cannot overcome?

So now what I need to do is keep my eyes focused on what Jesus has done for me, because in that I have so much hope. And you don’t realize how amazing hope is unless you’ve lived without it. When you live without hope, your life is not complete. A hopeless life is almost like a half-life, it’s a mere existence.

As we were discussing this tonight, I could feel the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart strings. This is, yet another, place where I realize what an amazing thing it is that Jesus did for us. Because I am new to all of this, I sometimes wonder if I am misinterpreting or misunderstanding some things and I am so thankful to have this wonderful group of people in my life to help me to make sense of it all. The great love, grace, and mercy that God has shown seems so overwhelming andI often stand in wonder of all that He’s done for me.



The Search
Her story began in a place with no father
And life’s not the same for a fatherless-daughter
As a child she wondered, who would ever love?
The brokenness in her heart, would she rise above?
She had lost her way before age thirteen
And ended up with a story, most wouldn’t believe
She begged for a savior to be by her side
Wanted daddy to love her, to be her guide
She pleaded for mercy, and hoped he would hear
The cries of despair, from the depths of her fear

Mistakes had stolen time that she couldn’t have back
Still he hadn’t saved her and still the years passed

As the years went on, she quit hoping for him
The dream of a daddy was lost in the wind
She turned her attentions to finding a man
One who would save her from a failing plan
But time after time, her hopes were shattered
Leading her to believe that her life didn’t matter
Rejected and shamed, she was lost in a life
Where nothing made sense and nothing felt right
So she took drastic steps to end her own pain
The selfish attempts to carve out the rain

Mistakes had stolen time that she couldn’t have back
Still he hadn’t saved her and still the years passed

Love, life, and time filled her empty space
“Don’t worry, I’m fine,” was easy to say
She was still broken, her soul was half empty
Little girls and their daddy, the target of envy
She made a vow, she had to find
The daddy she had, who missed all the time
The times she was hurt, times she was scared
And times all she needed, was to know that he cared
But her search didn’t stop when she felt his hug
He had embraced her with a greater love

Mistakes had stolen time that she couldn’t have back
But a Savior had saved her and put the past in the past
Her father, she now knows, hadn’t missed a tear
He had caught every one and saved them through the years
He had held her hand when she thought she was alone
And with a Savior by her side, she finally feels at home

Empowered for God

Philippians 2:13 – God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him.

God has given me this powerful desire to share His love with others. Which is kind of a big deal for me, because in my life before God; I would never talk to people I didn’t know – let alone people I did know, about my beliefs or theirs.

The Spirit inside of me and my own thoughts have been kind of conflicting lately. My own thoughts tell me that I can’t make much of a difference and that I shouldn’t be sharing God with anyone when I am still a baby in Christ. My thoughts question whether or not I am able to share the Gospel without messing it up. But the Spirit tells me not to be afraid and not to fret over my faults and weaknesses. The Spirit tells me that He will provide everything I need and that He will accomplish amazing things through me.

So what does all of this mean? It means that I need to quit worrying so much about what I will say to people in Guatemala as I try to share the Gospel with them. I don’t have to know everything there is to know about the Gospel in order to tell others what Jesus did for us. I don’t have to have professional training in sharing God’s Word. I don’t even have to speak the same language. All I have to have is the Holy Spirit. God will guide me through and give me the words I need. God will be with me every step of the way….so why am I still so worried and frustrated over it?

God has given me a desire to do as He says and with that desire, He is also empowering me to be able to carry it out….even though I’m still stuggling with the how of it all.

The Verdict

The Verdict
There are things in my life
That I’d rather ignore
Instead of facing pain
Waiting beyond the door
But You say I must trust
To accept Your grace
And that You will meet me
In my darkest place
What little I’ve known
Was rooted in lies
My mind was poisoned
By the enemy’s guise
If I say that I’m sorry
And turn from my hate
Is it really that easy?
To accept Your grace
The “not guilty” verdict
Echoes through my head
Replacing my understanding
With the words You’ve said

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