In my life, I have pretended to be someone on countless occasions so that people would like me. I have struggled with trying to find out who I am. I’ve spent most of my life looking for my identity. But I was reminded of it this morning.
John 1:1-5 –In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. Through Him all things were made; without Him nothing was made that has been made. In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
So who am I? Who are you? We are creations whom He loves. Psalm 33:13-15 – From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind; from His dwelling place He watches all who live on earth-He who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.
I became a Christian in November 2011. My life changed when I searched for and found my biological father. When I began talking to him, he started telling me about a God who loved me so much that He sent His Son to die for me. Until that point, unconditional love seemed unreal. I didn’t understand how anyone, especially the God of the universe, could love me unconditionally.
Before I understood God’s love, mercy, and grace, I didn’t understand much of anything. I faked my way through life with pretend smiles and made up personalities. Because I wore a mask for so long, now I don’t know who I am. Removing the masks is terrifying because I don’t know who’s under there. But removing the masks is something I have to do to let God mold me into who He made me to be.
So who am I? The honest answer is that I have no clue. But what I do know is that I am the daughter of a King. I was made and am loved by an amazing God and as long as I know that, everything else will work out.
I am still in awe that just eight months ago, I didn’t know who I was and I was destroying myself and my life to figure it out. I wore so many different masks and told so many different lies that I couldn’t remember who I was anymore. Removing the masks is painful, unless you’ve ever done it yourself, you have no clue what an emotional struggle this is. But with God’s help, I can remove the masks and begin to learn who I am in Him instead of who I am in the world.
Back to John 1:3. Through Him all things were made. If I forget who made me, who molded me, who loved me before I was born, then I am forgetting who am and I am forgetting what my sole purpose on this earth is.
When people talk about who I am, I want them to know that I am only who I am because of the love, grace, and mercy shown to me by our wonderful God. I can only love because I am loved. I can only give because God has given to me.