Fighting with God

Sometimes, I just wish God would take my advice. Seriously, wouldn’t life be so much easier if He would do things according to MY plans instead of His plans…

Okay, now that I have that out of my system, I’ll go ahead and also say I’m selfish. I wish God would give me my way so that things would be easier…but that’s not the case. In my heart, I trust Him, I really do, but my mind is fighting with Him in anger, frustration, sadness, loneliness. I just don’t understand the plan and there is absolutely nothing I can do…and that terrifies me.

But I’m glad, that even in my doubt and anger towards Him, even when I question whether or not He knows what He’s doing, He continues to show me His love, grace, and mercy.

Things don’t make sense now, but one day they will…and I live in hope for that day.

My Fight With God
If I can be totally honest
God, I think Your plan stinks
Are You sure this is right?
You want to hear what I think?
I’m sure that You don’t
But I’ll tell You how I feel
All these things that are happening
It just seems so surreal
Why don’t You answer me
Or show me what’s next
Just a glimpse would be great
To prepare for the steps
You tell me to trust
You tell me to pray
But quite frankly I’m mad
Because things won’t go my way
Yeah, I know that is selfish
But do You know that this hurts?
This world that I live in
Just keeps getting worse
You tell me You’ve been here
You say You know my pain
So why does it feel like
These cries are in vain
I don’t want to “be still”
And I don’t want to wait
I want to change this
Where are You? You’re late
I can see You moving
In the world all around
But here in my life
You’re not making a sound
Am I asking too much?
You’re right, maybe I am
I just feel so alone
Like You’ve let go of my hand

If we let truth be told
I know I can’t see
I know You haven’t moved
You’re still reaching for me
You know how I hate
To be out of control
Life feels like a twister
And it’s hurting my soul
But what I’m holding on to
Is nothing but dust
And dying to myself
Is an absolute must
Help me hold on
To the strength of Your truth
Fighting on my own
Is a battle I’ll lose
My strength has diminished
I don’t have much anymore
Just my hope in You
That You offer much more
So if I say that I hope
But I fail to see
Am I really living a life
That shows what I believe

I believe You are good
I believe You are near
Please help my unbelief
And meet me right here
I don’t understand
This life that I live
I don’t have much to offer
Myself is all I can give
Please forgive my anger
And my cries of doubt
It may not make sense now
But I know You’ll work it out

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