Category Archives: Family

Miscarriage vs. Abortion

I haven’t written a “compare and contrast” essay since middle school, but I’ve had some thoughts weighing heavy on my mind and I can’t think of a better way to express them…so let’s compare and contrast two very tragic experiences – miscarriage vs. abortion.

On the one hand, abortion is a choice that a woman makes to willingly take the life of her unborn child and abortion is the unplanned, spontaneous loss of the baby. But on the other hand, abortion and miscarriage both result in a stopped heart beat and the loss of a life that was beautifully woven together by the hands of a creative God. They both result in a woman wondering what could’ve been.

Let me give you some examples:

A young wife found out she was pregnant, and although it was unexpected, she was thrilled by the thought of the new life growing inside of her. She touched her hand to her belly in excitement and anticipation of the changes that would take place in the coming months. The undeniable beauty of the pregnancy glow began to shine across her face as she filled with glorious anticipation.

Until the day she saw blood. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she tried to process what it meant; she already knew. She went to the emergency room while her heart cried out for God to protect the small life inside her. Minutes felt like hours as she sat in the waiting room with her knees to her chest, trying to hold back her sobs.

Finally, the moment of truth. She was lead to an exam room and the doctor brought in the ultrasound and he said the words she had been dreading.

“There is no heartbeat.”

The world around her seemed to go black. Doctors and nurses were still talking and doing their jobs. But she couldn’t make sense of any of it. The words, “no heartbeat”, were playing on repeat in her head. A nurse reached out and sympathetically touched her arm. She was startled back to reality by the touch and the tears started. Her hands slid down her abdomen to the same place they rested just a week before. Instead of life, she now felt a void – like a small piece of her heart was missing.

The process of an abortion is much different. Abortion requires the heart-wrenching choice to choose death over life. A choice that, at the time, may seem like the only answer. A choice that looks like an “easy out”. A choice that will stop the beating of a tiny heart. A choice that, like miscarriage, steals a piece of her heart.

I won’t go into as much detail here about what the scared, pregnant, college girl goes through as she decides the fate of her unborn child. I’ll let you read about the scars of abortion separately.

Abortion and miscarriage have nothing in common – until you look at the aftermath. The young wife who lost her baby at five weeks due to miscarriage is depressed and confused and angry at God. She does not understand why and she struggles with her doubt. But what may come as a shock to many, is the scared girl who chose to abort her baby at eleven weeks is also grieving.

The woman who chose abortion may not grieve immediately. She may not grieve for many years. But when she grieves, when she feels the weight of her choice, she will feel the same confusion and anger. When she grieves, she will trace her hands over her abdomen, feeling the place where her baby once rested soundly. She will crumble into a pile of regret.

I was both of these women. I was the scared woman in the emergency room who desperately wanted to hear the strong heart of my unborn baby beating under my belly. I was also the scared girl in the abortion clinic who just wanted to find a way out.

And in both situations, I grieved. I didn’t grieve my abortion for five years, but the grief was the same.

So what’s the difference between the five week old baby that I miscarried and the eleven week old babies that I aborted? One was wanted and one wasn’t – that’s it. They were both people. They were both little bodies that were, just like you and me, hand crafted by God for a reason and a purpose.

When I miscarried, I told friends and family what happened. I was given a lot of support, hugs, and prayers. But after my abortion I hid in silence for five years before I let myself grieve and when I did, I was still too ashamed to ask for much support.

The point I want to make in this is that, whether a child is lost due to miscarriage or abortion, or even still-birth, the life of ANY unborn child had value and purpose. A woman who aborted her baby and the woman who miscarried both have an equal right to grieve the loss of their babies.

The only answer to the grief, no matter the method of the loss, is the truth of the Gospel and the hope that can only be found the Christ. God can handle our doubts and our anger. The only choice we have, if we want to find true healing and not just a band aid, is to trust God with our deepest hurts.

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The Mommy Vacation

Spending 4 days in the hospital wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I envisioned a mommy vacation. So be careful what you wish you for.

Last weekend I went to the ER for an inflamed and infected ear. I had intended to just go to the doctor on Monday, but because I was crying due to the pain, Robert suggested I don’t wait and I go to the ER.

Who knew that one ER visit would turn into 4 days in the hospital. Turns out I had a staph infection and cellulitis in the ear. The pain was phenomenal. I’ve never felt pain like that before. The doctors had to surgically drain the infection out of my ear. They had to cut into the upper ear, but because of the way the nerves work, it wasn’t possible to completely numb the ear…so I felt each incision in my already hurting ear.

That was followed by 4 days of IV antibiotics and doctors and nurses poking at the ear.

Not quite my idea of a mommy vacation.

During all this time, my first thought was what are Robert and the girls going to do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that he’s incapable of caring for the girls. But as a wife and mom, my heart is for my family…so as much as I would welcome a mommy break, this isn’t what I had planned.

As soon as I spread the word that I was in the hospital, my mother-in-law came into town to help out with the girls. The wonderful ladies who I attend Bible study with sprung into action to plan meals for my family. It was nice to not have to worry as much about my family while I was away.

It’s always been hard for me to accept help…but God used this experience to remind me that it’s okay to accept help from others and it okay to reach out for help. He also used this to show me that my friends love me and care about me more than I think.

I’m so thankful for all of the people who have been a blessing to my family in one way or another. God has given me such wonderful friends and family. This hospital was scary and painful, and I wouldn’t have made it through so easily without all the prayers and blessings of sweet friends.


I’m a Bad Mom

Parenting has it’s good days and it’s bad days. There are ups and there are downs. There are times when I’m pretty sure I’ve blown it and times when I feel like I’m the greatest mom ever.

Parenting is hard. I wish someone would’ve sat me down and explained to me just how hard it was BEFORE I became a mom.

I don’t know much about parenting….as my kids are still young and I’m pretty much just rolling with the punches as they come.

But there are a few things I do know:
1) I’m not perfect. I can’t be perfect. I will make mistakes as a mom. I will mess my kids up. That’s not the important part, what’s important is how I handle it after the mistake has been made.

2) My children aren’t perfect. They are human beings – little sinners just like me. I can’t expect perfection from them. I can’t expect them to do everything I tell them to do or listen to everything I say.

3) I am a sinner, saved by grace, and my job is to teach my children about the Giver of that grace. My job is not just to tell them about Christ, but to show them. I need to show them what grace is. They will remember my actions much better than they remember my words.

But if I’m being totally honest here, I’m not very good at being a gracious parent. I’m a control freak, a perfectionist, an introvert, and socially awkward. I fail my children daily when I lose my cool. I fail them when I try to obsessively control the world around me. I fail them when I avoid talking to other people because I get anxious.

I love my children. Every time I fail them, I feel a part of me break inside. I beat myself up over and over for making the same dumb mistakes. Why? Why do I do it? If I know that God is gracious and I want to teach my children about His grace, love, and mercy, why am I so reluctant to accept it myself in the area of parenting?

Because I set ridiculously high standards of perfection for myself. I expect myself to be the perfect mom so when I mess up, I feel the weight of my own guilt and shame come crashing down on top of me.

So here’s what I want to say to all the other moms out there – GIVE YOURSELF SOME GRACE!! Trust God in your mistakes. Use those mistakes as tools to show your children who God is.

I know this is easier said than done. Even now, as I write this, I am trying not to berate myself for all the ways in which I was a “bad mom” today.

Let’s stop comparing our hidden life, our sins and failures, to the external life we see of another mom. You’re not the only mom who feels like you’re ruining your kids lives. Reach out a hand to another mom and I can almost guarantee that she feels the same way.

Our job as parents is to point little sinners towards grace…little sinners that are often little versions of ourselves because our sins have rubbed off on them. They know our triggers and push our buttons and while our love for them is never a question, our own sin doesn’t always want to show grace.

I’m not a perfect mom. I don’t have perfect kids. But if I do nothing else right, I pray that I will at least show my kids the meaning of grace.


I’m Still Here

I realized recently that it has been a while since I posted a blog other than my 7-in-7 poems. So here’s one to get you caught up with where I’ve been over the last few months.

1)      I’m still running. I’ve been running my heart out to prepare for my first half marathon, which is in 20 days – the Rock n’ Roll half marathon in New Orleans. I’m still in desperate need of fundraising though. I’m running the Team in Training for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I had planned a LEGO® Brick building competition, but we’ve had to adjust our plans to only do a virtual build competition because there wasn’t as much interest in it as we had thought. I’m pretty bummed out about it, but I’m praying that God will provide a way. I have 13 days to finish raising the money.

2)      Training is hard. Training for this half marathon has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. Yesterday I ran my first double digit run – 10.01 miles. By the time I got home I was ready to collapse. My body ached and I was exhausted. But the pride I felt is something that no one can take away from me and something that no one could ever buy. I earned every mile of that run through the strength that God has given me. I am weak to survive these long runs on my own and I am so thankful that God is on these runs with me, giving me the strength to press on when I feel like I can’t take another step.

3)      Husband is home!!! Robert has been home for a little over a month now. It’s so amazing to have him here – to fall asleep next to him at night and have someone to share my lonely evenings with after the girls are in bed. The Army life is hard, but thankfully God has given us the grace to get through another deployment.

4)      My sister finished chemo and kicked cancer’s butt. You haven’t seen true strength until you’ve witnessed someone fighting cancer. Her strength amazes me and I’m so thankful that God got us all through it. She is why I am running. She is why I push myself so hard in training. She is my big sister. I may not tell her this enough, but even though we are grown up and have families of our own, I still look up to her.

5)      I’m almost a certified personal trainer. I’ll be taking my test later on in the month and (if I pass) I will be certified and ready to start training. So who’s ready to train with me?

 

There’s so much more I could write about right now, but I’m limited on time right now. I’ll update more later. My  New Year’s resolution is to post at least once a week, so you should be seeing a lot more from me in the near future.


7-in-7 Day 4: Tired Mom

Today has been rough day in the Fisher house. It’s one of those, “God, what am I do here? Have I failed my kids?” kind of days….although worn out and tired from fighting with miniature versions of myself, it inspired today’s poem…

Tired Mom
Right now as I sit here
I’m watching you play
And I can’t help but cry
As I silently pray
I pray for your heart
And I pray for mine
I pray that God helps me
To do better next time
I pray for my temper
And for my angry words
That God helps me to see
The power they hold

All the hopes and the dreams
I have for your life
They don’t really matter
If I don’t teach you what’s right
There are times I’ll succeed
Do this parenting thing right
And other times I will fail
And be too tired to fight

I want to read you a story
Cuddle you in my lap
But I’m losing my patience
Because you won’t take a nap
I want to teach you
About life and love
But if I can be honest
Some days I want to give up
I want you to know
What Jesus has done for you
You need His grace every day
And trust me, I need it too

Some days you won’t listen
And I feel like I’ve failed
Still some days are easy
And it feels like smooth sails
This parenting thing
Is confusing at best
And too often I feel
Like I’m just making a mess

You look right at me
Innocent wonder in your eyes
And I can’t help but ask
If I’m damaging your life
I can only do so much
So I want you to see
I can’t do it on my own
I need God helping me
But just like you, I am stubborn
And sometimes I don’t listen
Some days I don’t follow
When God gives directions

God gave you to me
And blessed my life with you
The job He’s given to me
Raise you up in the truth
I’ll give you limits
At times I’ll tell you no
You may not like it
But it’ll help you to grow
I must give you rules
And teach you to obey
Through every struggle
Together we’ll pray


Am I Home Yet?

Home. It’s a short, four letter word with a very long meaning. What is a home? What does it mean to be home? The dictionary defines a home as “a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.” But as I think about how good it feels to be at home, I started wondering, what does that really mean?

Being “at home” is much more than a physical place of residence. It’s much more than having a roof over your head and walls on each side. A home is a place where pains and joys are shared with those you love. It’s a place where children grow and messes are made. It’s a place where love is felt between family and friends (who are often just an extension of the family). It’s a place where mistakes are made and lessons are learned, but everyone still loves you the same. It’s a place where memories are formed and bonds are tightened. It’s a noisy, chaotic, sometimes unbearable, but heavenly, place.

For the first time in my life I can say, I AM HOME!

For much of my life I have felt like I was searching for something; a place where I could quit trying, striving, and pretending. A place where I could feel loved even when I made mistakes. A place where I could find rest. A place where I felt safe, even if the world around me was crumbling.

But when God found me, I found that place I had always been searching for – my Father’s arms. In God’s arms, I am safe, I am loved, I can rest, and I can heal. No place on this earth can provide that same feeling.

It’s ironic though, that once I learned how to rest in God’s love for me, I began to also feel at home in my physical environment.

I am a beach girl from San Diego, so living in Central Texas has been a challenge for me. There’s no beach and it’s ridiculously hot. But then, God brought me to a fabulous church and gave me an amazing church family. He gave me some wonderful friends who love me unconditionally and who will walk through life’s ups and downs with me.

Because I have learned to be at home with God, He has also given me the gift of being at home on this earth.

Ultimately, my home is heaven; and I look forward to the day that God calls me up. But in the mean time, I’ll enjoy the home He has given me right here, right now.


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