Tag Archives: army wife

Because I’m Still Here

The blog has been silent for some time now. I really haven’t felt much like writing. I’ve been so busy with just living this crazy life, that I haven’t had the time to make time to writing. And a non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. So needless to say, I’m writing now just to remind myself that I still know how to do this thing called writing.

This past year has been chaotic with surgeries and treatment. But now that my life has regained some sense of normalcy, it’s time for chaos again. As I type this, there are boxes filling up my house. All of our earthly possession will be getting moved into a truck tomorrow and be taken from Texas to Georgia. The Army says move and we follow as ordered.  

I’m excited for the move and a fresh start, but I think a part of my heart will always belong in Texas. We owned our first home here. We put down roots here. We’ve made friends here who have become family. Leaving isn’t going to be easy. It’s one part of the Army life that I dread. 

For someone as introverted as I am, it’s hard to make new friends. It’s hard to get out of my comfort zone, in a new city, and experience new and different things. However, introversion aside, I am excited for this move. I’m excited to go back to Georgia and see friends who I haven’t seen in six years. I’m excited to be near the beach! I’m excited to start this new adventure with the people I love the most. 

Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to be a family that doesn’t move every few years. What it would be like to settle down in one place and raise a family. Growing up, we moved every two years for as long as I can remember. I guess that’s probably why I hate it so much, because I’ve done it so many times. 

Life is chaotic. There are so many unknowns and what ifs. Nothing is certain. But it’s beautiful if you just embrace it.


7-in-7 #7: He’s Home

In the excitement of him coming home yesterday…I forgot to post my last 7-in-7 poem. Not my usual style of writing…but it’s what came out…

He’s Home
He’s home
No more waiting
He’s home
No more crying
He’s home

No longer alone
No more sleeping alone
He’s home

Seven long months
Time spent waiting
Hoping and praying
For that “welcome home” hug

This is our life
He serves
We wait
His job, his calling
Our hero, our duty
It’s not easy
But it’s all for love

He’s home
No more waiting
He’s home
No more crying
He’s home

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What Happened?

I am proud to be an American. I am honored to live in a country where I can do and say as I please. I am blessed to reside in a place where I am free to worship my God in any way I choose.

I am proud to say that I was able, even though it was only for a short period of time, to serve our great nation. I sm honored to have been in the U.S. Coast Guard. I am blessed that I was able to put on a uniform that meant something important.

I am proud to be married to a U.S. Army soldier. I am honored to be married to a man who loves his country so much that he is willing to lay down his life for every single one of us. I am blessed that I get to say that my is, in every definition of the word, my hero.

And I am angry.

I am angry at the way we, as a country have begun to treat our service members. I am angry at the negative sterotypes that follow the title of service member or service members spouse.

My husband is a hard working man who loves his job, who puts everything he has into all that he does and I am a hard working stay at home mom, who does all I can to care for my husband and children.

Now here’s the back story: when I was in the Coast Guard, I was injured on active duty. My jaw was locked shut and as a result, 5 years later, I have torn and displaced discs in my jaw that require surgery. The kind of surgery I need, a discectomy (try saying that ten times fast), is quite invasive, and I need it on both sides of my jaw – it is expensive, $75,000 at best! But Tricare is refusing to cover it. Now don’t get me wrong, I hate to complain about my medical insurance because I am privlaged and blessed to even have insurance – not everyone can afford medical issurance, let alone, gets it for free. But when I say that I get medical insurance for free, I am only saying that I do not directly pay for it, there is a large price we (as Tricare benificiaries) pay for our medical insurance. That large price includes crummy hours, low pay, and a lot of disrespect.

I am saddened by the loss of value for service members and their families. I do not think that my life or my husbands life is more valuable than anyone else’s in this great nation of ours, but I do believe that we, as a nation, have lost sight of who our “celebrities” are.

Our celebrities are football players, actors, and singers, many of whom squander their money on drugs, alcohol, and sex and who in most senses are NOT good role models for our children. What I don’t understand is why. I can’t understand why the men and women who have and are defending the freedoms of this wonderful nation are so disrespected.

If congress can’t make a financial decision, service members lose the pay. The military gives medications to service members, with known severe side effects, and then denies the side effects and the needed treatment for the service member. The military can take everything from a service member and send them back into the civilian world, not caring if they succeed or fail.

What happened?

What happened to our country? I know this is only one thing on a long list of things that need to be reformed in our country, but I am not understanding. In 2 weeks, my husband will be having surgery on his eyes, PRK surgery, to correct his vision. And not that I do not think he should get the surgery and I am glad that the Army is willing to pay for that for him, but what about me? Why can my husband have an optional surgery and yet I cannot have a NEEDED surgery that will drastically increase my QUALITY of life.

I am in imense pain. Some days are better than others as far as the pain goes, but over the course of the last few months, the pain has increased tenfold. My quality of life has diminished as I fight through the pain and try to continue on with my daily life. My jaw is bone on bone, there is no disc there to cusion between my mandible and my temporal bone. I have headaches, ear aches, neck/back pain, and a quickly decreasing ability to eat.

According the policies of my insurance, if I were to get in some type of accident tomorrow that injured my jaw – the surgery would be covered. But as of right now, even though I was on active duty at the time of the initial injury, my surgery cannot be approved. Here’s the ironic part, if an active duty service member needed this surgery, it would be covered because it would decrease his/her ability to fully do their job correctly or at their best.

What is my plan now: make calls to Tricare, the Coast Guard, and to the VA office. Someone needs to process this and approve my surgery. I don’t understand what happened. I don’t understand why there is so much “red tape” in this situation. Why do I have to go through so many channels to be able to, maybe, get my surgery. I do not want to spend the rest of my life on pain killers, muscle relaxers, and anti inflammatory drugs.

I know that God is my ultimate physician and that He enjoys, as any loving parent, to see His children healed. I know that God is walking through this with me. I know that God loves me and wants me to be well.

I also know that we, as one nation under God, have gotten very far away from what to word of God says. We have ignored the scriptures and tried to define life for ourselves – the result of living in a fallen world. The fall destroyed everything that God made us and this world for.

I live with a hope. A hope in Christ that tells me that I was not meant for this world and luckily I am not stuck in it forever. I am only here until either God calls me home or Jesus returns, and I find that truth to be so comforting. But in the meantime, I struggle with the pain – both physical and emotional. I often get caught up in thinking, “I am only one person, who am I to make a difference? God, how can You use me?” But God called all of us, each for a specific purpose. Maybe I won’t change the world or the nation directly, but on a personal level with other people, God has called me to love others – and that in and of itself can change the world.Love coverss a multitude of sins.

If you think of me at all, please keep me in your prayers. My life, lately, has been an uphill battle – but God is on my side and I know I will win. I wish I could say it has been and would continue to be easy, but it hasn’t been and it won’t be.

I didn’t understand at first what people meant, when I became a Christian, about how the Enemy would try to attack me more and harder once I put my faith in Christ. But now I am seeing it. Evil things do not come from God. God would never cause us to face financial harship as we put every penny we had into trying to save our dog’s life. God would not take our unborn child from us. God would not cause me the physical pain I am in due to my jaw injury. None of that comes from God, but from the Enemy. The Enemy wants me to abandon my faith. He’s trying to tell me that God doesn’t know what is best for me and that I would be better off to contorl my life on my own – lies. But those are the same lies that the leaders of this wonderful nation have believed. Those same lies have taken the pledge of alleigence out of our schools because of the, “one nation under God,” line. Those same lies have cost us dearly.

My prayer is that we, the body of Christ, can help people see the line between the lies of the Enemy and the truths of the Savior.


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