A Conversation with God

A late night conversation
Brought her to her knees
Writhing from the agony
Of her own selfish needs
She once felt so close to Him
Felt His love in her life
As life does, it got harder
And she averted her eyes
She thought she was alone
But knew He hadn’t abandoned
She had shut Him out
Leaving her to feel lonesome

“Father, I have let you down
And turned my back on You
In the midst of chaotic life
I’ve gotten lie and truth confused
Will You take me back
Even after all of this
I am nothing but dust
I am Judas’ kiss
I have spent all of my strength
In search of peace through chaos
But with blinded eyes I didn’t see
I was on a path to lost
I have grown weary
I can’t fight any longer
The knowledge in my head
Reminds me You are stronger
But will You still be strong for me
After the way I’ve treated You
I desperately need to know
That Your words are really true”

Her words started to tremble
As tears welled in her eyes
She pulled them back, held them in
Mustn’t let Him see her cry
She was afraid to show Him
Just how far she had fallen
Even after all He’d done before
She was struggling to trust Him
That is when she found herself
Lost in conversation
With the Shepherd of her heart
The author of salvation

“Sweet daughter, listen to me
My arms are always open
No matter what you’ve done
I want to heal what’s broken
If you will just stop trying
Child, I will offer peace
A peace that only come
When you let go and turn to me
You’re wearied and you’re worn
You weren’t made to haul this load
Just rest here and let me back in
You’ll never be alone
Though you think you’ve gone too far
Remember I can heal your pain
Because of my love, I see white
Where you see crimson stains.”

His words knocked her down
Humbled, to her knees
She wondered why a Holy God
Would listen to her pleas
She needed mercy, needed grace
But believed she was too deep
She dug herself into a hole
But the sides were just too steep

“I don’t deserve what you have offered
I have tripped and I’ve rebelled
You’ve reached for me, I turned away
Back into the comfort of my shell
I want to feel Your love
I want to seek Your face
But I just feel so undeserving
Of Your Heavenly place.”

By now she felt defeated
Sure that He’d turn her away
But secretly she hoped
He wanted her to stay

“How many times can I tell you
I am always at your side.
Let go of your excuses and rest
I am directing your life.
I already know
The sins you try so hard to hide
Let it go and lean on me
You’ll find healing in your cries
You will never earn your way to me
So stop trying so hard.
My Son died for all your sins
To ransom your heart
Be still and know
That I am your God
Until you rest in my love for you
There’s no joy in my laws
All I ask from you in trust
Trust me with your life
Cling to what I have for you
And let go of your pride.”

She fell into His arms
And basked in His embrace
The tears that she’d be hiding
Now covered her face
She had gotten so confused
And she gave into Satan’s lies
She can live bound in chains
Or she can let Him free her life

“Abba,” she whispered
“Father, I am sorry.
If you will, please take away
My guilt, my shame, my worry
I will seek Your truth
And Your love most of all
I’ll depend on Your strength
In the times I fall
All my life and all my worship
I give you all of me
That’s all that I can offer
To a King above all kings.”