Blessings in Chaos

Life has been hectic for the Fishers lately. We’re in the process of buying our first house…and it has been a long journey of frustration and disappointment. But this week, we will be closing on our first house. We will have our very first home together and I couldn’t be more excited. But with that excitement also comes a sadness at knowing that once we get settled into the house, Robert will be deploying shortly thereafter.

So in the midst of the chaos – preparing for deployment, packing, cleaning, signing paperwork, re-signing the same form ten times, submitting new forms to the mortgage company, setting up insurance, electricity, and water, I seem to have been letting the little blessings in life slip by unnoticed. So I decided to make myself a list of my little, yet abundant, blessings, to remind myself of God’s love for me in this time of chaos.

1) The ability to buy a house. This is something I never thought would be possible for us, especially with Robert being military, but God has provided for us in ways I never thought possible. We just have to take the tedious steps that it takes to get to closing.

2) Beautiful little girls whose eyes and minds are so pure and innocent. In the current hecticness of life, I haven’t been taking the time, as I normally would, for extra snuggles and kisses. I have been getting frustrated with the millions of questions that toddlers ask instead of taking the time to fill their curious minds with knowledge. I am so thankful for their presence in my life and thankful that God trusts me enough to entrust them to my care. I am thankful for their love of reading, just like I have.


3) Daddy and his girls. I never got the chance to be a daddy’s girl when I was a kid, but it was something I desperately wanted for a long time. It warms my heart to see Robert interacting with the girls, reading books, snuggling, or simply telling them how much he loves them. It’s already blatantly obvious that, in the eyes of these little girls, daddy is perfect…and it brings me to tears when I stop and look at the love between a daddy and his girls.

4) Love. I am thankful for the example of love that Robert and I are able to give to our girls. A while back I read a quote that said, “the greatest thing a daddy can do for his kids is love their mommy.” And it hit me this afternoon when Mackenzie looked at a picture of Robert and I and said, “Mommy, you look beautiful in your dress. Aww, daddy is holding your hand. He’s so sweet to you.” I am so very thankful for a man who shows our daughters what love looks like and who takes joy in serving his family.

5) Family. My mom and spent most of my life having a strained relationship. The last year or so, things have finally started to look up and my relationship with my mom seems to be on the mend. I am thankful for a mom and step-dad who love me unconditionally, in spite of the pain I have caused them. I am thankful that they are wonderful grandparents and that my step-dad loves me and my daughters as if we were his own. I am also very thankful to now have a relationship with my dad in spite of the pain he caused our family when I was younger.

6) Dogs. We have two awesome dogs who love us probably more than we love them. They are protective and sweet all at the same time and the puppy has even taken to sleeping in the hallway, right in front of the girls’ rooms, to protect them.

This list is by no means complete. I’m sure there a million more things that I could add here, but now my sweet girls are up from their naps and I’m going to go have some play time 🙂

Dear America

Dear America,

Let me start by telling you who I am. I am an American citizen who has, my entire life, been proud to be an American. I was raised by a wonderful mother who taught me about patriotism and service to my country. She taught me hard word and personal responsibility. I am a Christian; I believe in a sovereign God who forgives, love, and redeems. I am veteran of the United States Coast Guard; and I am proud of that. I am the proud wife of a United States soldier; I am proud to be married to a man who loves his country and his family enough to be willing to lay down his life, if need be. I am a mom of two very sweet and adorable little girls. I am a college graduate who worked hard for my education; I paid for my education through my service in the military. And lastly, I am distressed.

2 Chronicles 7:14 – If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

America, I am distressed that our priorities and values have gotten so discombobulated. What has happened to the values that this nation was founded upon? What has happened to the nations love for family and country? What has happened to the base of our government being the constitution? I used to find myself getting angered at the ridiculous decisions our government made, but now, more often than not, I just find myself getting saddened.

As a society, we have messed up priorities. We value the life and entertainment that a professional sports player offers more than the sacrifice that the members of our military offer. We value TV villains more than police officers. We value actors and actresses more than teachers. Why is it that the most important jobs in our society, jobs that are necessary to a functioning society, get paid the least and are the most thankless? When did we, as a nation, quit caring about the things that truly matter?

Proverbs 16:2 – All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit.

My husband, a U.S. soldier, wants to go back school and as a service member he should be able to use his tuition assistance and easily have it paid for. But due to budget cuts, the military has cut all funding for tuition assistance until further notice. I know that I can’t be the only one who thinks that, that is absolutely ridiculous. How can we take tuition assistance away from our military and yet we still provide educations in prisons and jails?

What has happened to personal responsibility? Too many of us live with a sense of entitlement; like just because we’re living in breathing we deserve to have everything handed to us without working for it. Why do we think that? Because that’s what our culture and our government have taught us. Our government has said that if we don’t want to work, if just want to sit at home and have an excuse for not providing for our families, that’s okay. Don’t worry about any personal responsibility, it’s not your fault, it’s because of your parents and the way you were raised, it’s because of you grew up in poverty, it’s because your mom didn’t feed you all organic as a kid. We can come up with a excuse for everything, but what it really comes down to is that too many of us fail to take responsibility for our own actions and choices. What we do is no one else’s fault but our own.

Ezekiel 18:20 – The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself.

I am heartbroken and pensive about how far we have gotten from God. I know that this is a strongly controversial statement, but abortion is wrong. This is the ultimate failure of personal responsibility. My heart is heavy for the millions of women who have believed the lie that abortion was the only option. I am filled with compassion and sorrow for a nation that has been and is still lying to women that abortion will solve all their problems. Whether you want to believe it or not, abortion IS murder. If God is in control of all things and we only have what comes from him, then who are we to say that we have the right to take the life a child that HE created. I don’t really care what the good ol’ scientists say about when life begins. According to God’s Word, life begins at the MOMENT OF CONCEPTION. And who am I to argue with God?

Ecclesiastes 11:5 – As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything.

Job 31:15 – Did not he who made me in the womb make him? And did not one fashion us in the womb?

Psalm 139:13-16 – For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

Exodus 20:13 – You shall not murder

We believe everything we’re told that abortion doesn’t hurt the woman, abortion is the best thing you can do for an unplanned pregnancy, abortion will solve the “problem” that your choices caused. They wouldn’t really allow something to be legal if it was bad for us, right? Oh how wrong we are. If there is nothing wrong with abortion, then why do women feel trapped in secrecy and shame afterwards? Most women numb themselves to the emotional and mental effects of the abortion because of the basic human need of self-preservation (and they don’t even recognize they’re doing it). Feeling the pain simply hurts too much. There is only One who can heal the pain of an abortion and that is God. It’s hard to believe, at least to me anyway, that He can forgive that, but that’s part of the marvel of Jesus’ death on the cross. All can be forgiven! I’d love to talk more about abortion and its effect on the woman, but this is not the place for that.

1 John 1:9 – If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Personal responsibility; we’re all looking for a way around dealing with the consequences of our actions and our government is us a “quick fix” for everything. What we fail to understand is that those consequences don’t go away; they just get postponed or pushed into something else.

America was founded on Judeo-Christian values: free will – being free to make our own choices, personal, moral accountability – being responsible for our own choices and actions whether they are good or bad and dealing with the consequences, and a true moral law – which stems from Christ and the Jewish prophets.

Luke 6:46 – Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you?

It’s heart wrenching to see the state our nation is in now. It saddens me that over half of our children don’t know what a successful marriage looks like. It’s depressing that God has been so far removed from our government and our society that anything related to religion is outlawed or banned. We wonder why or how things could’ve gotten as bad as they are now, and there’s only one answer for that – we refuse to acknowledge God’s sovereignty.

Isaiah 60:12 – For the nation and kingdom that will not serve you shall perish; those nations shall be utterly laid waste.

Psalm 33:12 – Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people whom he has chosen as his heritage!

It may not be within my lifetime, but I think that this country, as much as I love it, is headed for self-destruction if we don’t get our focus back where it needs to be – on God.

Joel 2:12 – Yet even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;”

Proverbs 14:34 – Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people.

I would like to take a minute to note that none of which is written above is to be meant with judgment or anger, but my intention is love and hope. I hope that, one day, our nation will turn back to its foundations – back towards God. I hope that, one day, we will welcome Him back into our country. But until then, I trust Him and His plan for me and my family in the midst of the pain and suffering.

Sincerely,

A Broken Hearted, Jesus Following American

Fear and Faith in Deployments

The deployment is happening soon…too soon if you ask me. It’s all creeping up on us so fast and I am struggling to trust God through it. The truth that God is in control of whether or not my husband comes home is a scary and reassuring one. Scary because that means that Robert, even if he does everything right, may not come home, if that is God’s will. And reassuring because that means that God already knows what is going to happen and He will take care of me either way. I know that this is a time that I need to trust and lean on God more than any other, but I am really struggling with it becuase I am so afraid.

Faith and Fear
The pillow next to mine
Right now, it holds his head
But it won’t be long until
I’m lying in an empty bed
When I got married to a soldier
I knew that this would be our life
But that doesn’t bring me comfort
In bed, alone at night
People ask me how I do it
Truth it, I simply do not know
On my knees with falling tears
I don’t want to let him go
He reassures me he’ll come home
But doubt lingers in his eyes
He’s going off to fight a war
That could cost him his life

I’m trying to stay strong
In the truth that God is near
But I’m struggling to trust in Him
As I wrestle with my fear
What if he doesn’t make it
If he never comes home
Will I hold strong to my faith
If I’m left here on my own
When we were first married
As two, we became one
If I lose half of me
Will I forever be undone?

I know that God is faithful
I know that He is true
So why am I not trusting Him
To know He’ll get us through
His will, will be done
Whether I like it or not
He has a plan for all of us
He has lessons to be taught
Am I willing to let go of fear
And hold on to His love?
Will I hold on to things of this world?
Or to those from up above?

God, please hear my prayer
Please bring him home to us
Keep him safe and hold his heart
Let him feel Your love.
Your plans are better
Than mine will ever be
Help me to hold on to that
Please help me to see.
Help me to see that You are love
You give mercy, You give grace
Help me see the joy of who You are
Even in this horrifying place
You already know
What our futures hold
Please help me to rest in that
So in Your love I may be bold
Take my heart and keep it
Safe in your loving hands
I’m crumbling under all this weight
Without You I can’t stand
Give me strength to trust in You
And grace for when I’mlost
Help to lay all of these fears
Down at the foot of Your Son’s cross

Am I Too Independent?

Independence is generally considered a good thing in our culture; to be able to do everything on your own without the help of anyone else is generally praised. But let me explain why I have a problem with that.

I spent most of my life not asking anyone for help because I thought I had to be independent. I thought I had to do things on my own if I wanted success. And where did that get me? That got me no where except filled with anger, bitterness, and sadness. I never felt like I could depend on anyone, nor did I ever feel like anyone cared. Trying to do everything on my own got exhausting and at a young age I was stressed and weary. But at the time, I had no hope or faith in an all-powerful God.

Isaiah 40:28-31 –
²⁸ Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
²⁹ He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
³⁰ Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
³¹ but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.

I can’t do life on my own. I wasn’t created to do life alone. First and foremost, I need to be dependent on God. This world is a scary place and it’s a constant fight. The more I fight to be independent, the more I throw myself into self destruction. God will give me everything I need to make it through this life, if only I’m willing to suck up my pride and ask him for help. Who am I to say that I can navigate this world better than He can, when I’m the created and He’s the creator?

Ephesians 6:10 – Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.

A few weeks ago, in a conversation with a dear friend, out of the blue she said, “You need to depend on God more.” When I heard those words, I lost it. The day had already been rough and emotional, and her statement had me bawling like a baby because she is right. I depend too much on myself and on other people. Without even realizing it, I fall back into the “I can do it” train of thought and I don’t realize it until I crash and burn or someone points it out to me. I get so frustrated and angry with myself when I realize how little I depend on God because I know better. I know the miracles He has done in my life. I have seen His power before my very eyes. I have felt His love and grace in every area of my life. And yet, like the Israelites, I still fail to trust Him even after all I’ve seen Him do. I am all too human.

Psalm 18:2-
The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

I want to put God first in every aspect of my life. I want Him and my relationship with Him to be the number one thing on my priority list. But I all too often fail Him. I am so thankful for His grace and mercy when I do fail Him; He continues to still love me and pick me up from the mess I’ve made of my life and guide me in the right direction. He is so faithful to me and has given me way more than I will ever deserve.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 – ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

God didn’t create us to go through this world on our own and He often shows us His love for us through other people. I know that’s what He did for me. I had never seen true, Christ-like love until I met my Celebrate Recovery sponsor. She was the first person to show me what true love looked like and because of her I have been able to receive the love that others have shown me and love them in return. We need each other. We need to love each other and walk through this life together, serving and caring for one another.

John 13:14 – If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.

Romans 12:16 – Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.

My point in all of this is that we can’t do life alone. We can’t live independent of God and one another and expect to still live a happy, fulfilling life. It just isn’t possible. That’s not how we were made. I know, for me, I have to, daily, confess my dependence on God. Daily, I remind myself that I can’t make it through this world without Him and thank Him for the people He has given me to walk this scary road with me. Quit trying to be independent. Suck up your pride and admit your dependence on your Creator – I promise you won’t regret it.