The Socially Anxious Introvert

In a world that seems to be dominated by extroverts (of course, because introverts don’t generally have as much of a desire to fill the limelight) it is hard to be an introvert without feeling like there’s something wrong with me.

Let me start by explaining what an introvert is and what an introvert isn’t.

An introvert isn’t just someone who is shy and doesn’t like people.

An introvert is someone who very much loves people, has a great deal of compassion and affection for others, but who also is physically and emotionally drained by spending time with other people.

An introvert isn’t a shut-in who avoids the world at all costs.

An introvert is someone who, although he/she enjoys spending time with family and friends, desperately needs to spend time alone to recharge and relax.

An introvert isn’t a rude person who simply doesn’t want to talk to you.

An introvert is bad at small talk and finds small talk tiring and uncomfortable.

I am an introvert and I also have social anxiety.  Social anxiety is a feeling of uneasiness, dread, or apprehension about social interaction and presentation. Introversion and social anxiety, when combined, can be a toxic mix.

The weird thing about me, even though I am a socially anxious introvert, is that I enjoy public speaking and performing. I love talking in front of people (as long as it is planned out and practiced) and I love performing worship on Monday nights at Celebrate Recovery. But as I say I enjoy these things, that doesn’t make them any less emotionally draining on me. I need quiet, alone time to emotionally recoup from this level of interaction.

If you know me at all, you’ll know that I HATE talking on the phone. If I don’t answer my phone when you call or I don’t call you back, don’t take it personally. If you text me, or contact me any of the other 10 ways I can be contacted through my iPhone (technology humor, lol) that don’t actually require me to talk to you, I’ll probably send you a pretty speedy response.

Here’s another thing about introverts, we communicate much more effectively through writing or other non-verbal forms of communication. I have some friends and family who get frustrated by this, but what you need to understand about me (or whoever the introvert is in your life) is that I love and I care about you very deeply, but I will never be able to express that in the same as my extroverted counterparts.

Due to my social anxiety, I also find it hard to make true and lasting friends. I get anxiety at the simple thought of making a phone call to someone I don’t know…and sometimes even to people I do know. I have anxiety about going to the grocery store, going to church, attending Bible studies, taking my daughter to school, going to family events at my husband unit…you name it, if it involves being around other people (especially people I don’t know) it causes me anxiety.

Now, combine my introversion and social anxiety…what you get is a lot of anxiety attacks and tears.

So we’ve already covered that introverts have a desperate physical NEED for quite, alone time…away from ALL other people. Let’s talk about how hard this is as a wife and mother.

As a wife and mom, I spend almost all day, every day with either my kids or my husband. I have very little, if any, time to tune out the world and refocus myself. What happens when days, weeks, or even months, pass without being able to find that quite time to recharge? Anxiety skyrockets and tempers soar. Social anxiety becomes exacerbated and social interactions become fewer and fewer.

An introvert who isn’t able to fulfill the very deep need for alone time becomes a ticking time bomb. My husband, and most of my family, has seen this side of me on many occasions. I try to hold it together and do things like normal, but with each passing day, my heart beats a little faster and my head pounds a little harder. I can, physically, feel the effects of it in my body. An introvert CANNOT be expected to function like an extrovert, at least not for very long.

It’s hard though, to explain to the people I love the absolute most – my husband and children, that sometimes I just can’t be around them. Sometimes I need them to just leave me alone so I can pray, cry, write, think, read, take a bath…just recharge my heart, mind, and soul. But one BIG lesson I’ve learned in recent months is that it’s better to apologize to them for retreating to the back of the house or out on a run for an hour or so than to have to apologize for angry words that cannot be taken back. You are not a bad parent or spouse just because you take time off to take care of yourself – in fact, that makes you pretty awesome!

Introverts, my advice to you is to accept who you are as an introvert. We cannot be extroverts, we never will be. God made us this way for a reason and the world needs us just as much as it needs extroverts. Take pride in who you are. Learn to know your limits. Know when it’s time for you to spend time alone, but don’t use it as an excuse to shut out the world completely.

Extroverts, don’t try to pressure your introverted loved ones into being an extrovert. Acknowledge that we have different personalities and be okay with that. The world needs us both.

But whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, that’s not your identity. Although your personality is one or the other, our identities are still all found in Christ…after all, that’s what truly matters.

The Mommy Vacation

Spending 4 days in the hospital wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I envisioned a mommy vacation. So be careful what you wish you for.

Last weekend I went to the ER for an inflamed and infected ear. I had intended to just go to the doctor on Monday, but because I was crying due to the pain, Robert suggested I don’t wait and I go to the ER.

Who knew that one ER visit would turn into 4 days in the hospital. Turns out I had a staph infection and cellulitis in the ear. The pain was phenomenal. I’ve never felt pain like that before. The doctors had to surgically drain the infection out of my ear. They had to cut into the upper ear, but because of the way the nerves work, it wasn’t possible to completely numb the ear…so I felt each incision in my already hurting ear.

That was followed by 4 days of IV antibiotics and doctors and nurses poking at the ear.

Not quite my idea of a mommy vacation.

During all this time, my first thought was what are Robert and the girls going to do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that he’s incapable of caring for the girls. But as a wife and mom, my heart is for my family…so as much as I would welcome a mommy break, this isn’t what I had planned.

As soon as I spread the word that I was in the hospital, my mother-in-law came into town to help out with the girls. The wonderful ladies who I attend Bible study with sprung into action to plan meals for my family. It was nice to not have to worry as much about my family while I was away.

It’s always been hard for me to accept help…but God used this experience to remind me that it’s okay to accept help from others and it okay to reach out for help. He also used this to show me that my friends love me and care about me more than I think.

I’m so thankful for all of the people who have been a blessing to my family in one way or another. God has given me such wonderful friends and family. This hospital was scary and painful, and I wouldn’t have made it through so easily without all the prayers and blessings of sweet friends.

I’m a Bad Mom

Parenting has it’s good days and it’s bad days. There are ups and there are downs. There are times when I’m pretty sure I’ve blown it and times when I feel like I’m the greatest mom ever.

Parenting is hard. I wish someone would’ve sat me down and explained to me just how hard it was BEFORE I became a mom.

I don’t know much about parenting….as my kids are still young and I’m pretty much just rolling with the punches as they come.

But there are a few things I do know:
1) I’m not perfect. I can’t be perfect. I will make mistakes as a mom. I will mess my kids up. That’s not the important part, what’s important is how I handle it after the mistake has been made.

2) My children aren’t perfect. They are human beings – little sinners just like me. I can’t expect perfection from them. I can’t expect them to do everything I tell them to do or listen to everything I say.

3) I am a sinner, saved by grace, and my job is to teach my children about the Giver of that grace. My job is not just to tell them about Christ, but to show them. I need to show them what grace is. They will remember my actions much better than they remember my words.

But if I’m being totally honest here, I’m not very good at being a gracious parent. I’m a control freak, a perfectionist, an introvert, and socially awkward. I fail my children daily when I lose my cool. I fail them when I try to obsessively control the world around me. I fail them when I avoid talking to other people because I get anxious.

I love my children. Every time I fail them, I feel a part of me break inside. I beat myself up over and over for making the same dumb mistakes. Why? Why do I do it? If I know that God is gracious and I want to teach my children about His grace, love, and mercy, why am I so reluctant to accept it myself in the area of parenting?

Because I set ridiculously high standards of perfection for myself. I expect myself to be the perfect mom so when I mess up, I feel the weight of my own guilt and shame come crashing down on top of me.

So here’s what I want to say to all the other moms out there – GIVE YOURSELF SOME GRACE!! Trust God in your mistakes. Use those mistakes as tools to show your children who God is.

I know this is easier said than done. Even now, as I write this, I am trying not to berate myself for all the ways in which I was a “bad mom” today.

Let’s stop comparing our hidden life, our sins and failures, to the external life we see of another mom. You’re not the only mom who feels like you’re ruining your kids lives. Reach out a hand to another mom and I can almost guarantee that she feels the same way.

Our job as parents is to point little sinners towards grace…little sinners that are often little versions of ourselves because our sins have rubbed off on them. They know our triggers and push our buttons and while our love for them is never a question, our own sin doesn’t always want to show grace.

I’m not a perfect mom. I don’t have perfect kids. But if I do nothing else right, I pray that I will at least show my kids the meaning of grace.

7-in-7 Day 4: Tired Mom

Today has been rough day in the Fisher house. It’s one of those, “God, what am I do here? Have I failed my kids?” kind of days….although worn out and tired from fighting with miniature versions of myself, it inspired today’s poem…

Tired Mom
Right now as I sit here
I’m watching you play
And I can’t help but cry
As I silently pray
I pray for your heart
And I pray for mine
I pray that God helps me
To do better next time
I pray for my temper
And for my angry words
That God helps me to see
The power they hold

All the hopes and the dreams
I have for your life
They don’t really matter
If I don’t teach you what’s right
There are times I’ll succeed
Do this parenting thing right
And other times I will fail
And be too tired to fight

I want to read you a story
Cuddle you in my lap
But I’m losing my patience
Because you won’t take a nap
I want to teach you
About life and love
But if I can be honest
Some days I want to give up
I want you to know
What Jesus has done for you
You need His grace every day
And trust me, I need it too

Some days you won’t listen
And I feel like I’ve failed
Still some days are easy
And it feels like smooth sails
This parenting thing
Is confusing at best
And too often I feel
Like I’m just making a mess

You look right at me
Innocent wonder in your eyes
And I can’t help but ask
If I’m damaging your life
I can only do so much
So I want you to see
I can’t do it on my own
I need God helping me
But just like you, I am stubborn
And sometimes I don’t listen
Some days I don’t follow
When God gives directions

God gave you to me
And blessed my life with you
The job He’s given to me
Raise you up in the truth
I’ll give you limits
At times I’ll tell you no
You may not like it
But it’ll help you to grow
I must give you rules
And teach you to obey
Through every struggle
Together we’ll pray

When I Grow Up

When I was growing up, I frequently got asked: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I always had an answer – astronaut, doctor, police officer…you get the picture. While this is something kids should think about, I’ve come to realize that what we want to be when we grow up shouldn’t be the focus of our lives. What’s more important, I think, is WHO we want to be.

I am 25 years old, and I still have no clue WHAT I want to be when I grow up. I have a criminal justice degree, I went to EMT school, and I have a passion for writing….I’m not quite sure where that gets me; but I’m not going to spend my life with a sole focus on finding the answer. An occupation is simply that – a job. Yes, it is where we make money to provide for our families…but it does not define who we are.

But let’s focus on the other question – who do I want to be.

I want to be a faithful follower of Christ. I want to love God with all my heart, all my mind, and all my strength. I want to trust Him with my life and my plans and allow Him to show me what I should be doing; that no matter what my job – He will provide for our needs as long as I listen and obey.

I want to be a loving and submissive wife. I want to love my husband only second to God and follow his lead of our family.

I want to be a patient and wise mother. I want to make good decision in guiding my children and point them to Christ. I want to show them grace and admit to them when I’ve done wrong. I want to show them that they are loved unconditionally, not just by their parents – but also by God.

I want to be a good friend. I want to love others and share the love of Christ with everyone I meet. I want to help hurting people. I want to show people, who think there is no hope left, that there is ALWAYS hope in Jesus Christ.

This is only a small glimpse into who I want to be. I’m not yet where I need to be in achieving this, but I’m no longer where I was.

So let’s stop focusing on WHAT we want to be or what our kids want to be. What we want to be doesn’t define who we are. Only God can do that. Instead, let’s focus on WHO we want to be.

Let’s teach our kids that WHO they want to be is more valuable than what they want to be. Let’s raise our kids to love God, family, and others. Let’s show them that they don’t have to earn love. Lets teach them the value of hard work but help them to also see the difference between work and identity.

What you do can be taken from you; but who you are is who you, no matter what you do.

Blessings in Chaos

Life has been hectic for the Fishers lately. We’re in the process of buying our first house…and it has been a long journey of frustration and disappointment. But this week, we will be closing on our first house. We will have our very first home together and I couldn’t be more excited. But with that excitement also comes a sadness at knowing that once we get settled into the house, Robert will be deploying shortly thereafter.

So in the midst of the chaos – preparing for deployment, packing, cleaning, signing paperwork, re-signing the same form ten times, submitting new forms to the mortgage company, setting up insurance, electricity, and water, I seem to have been letting the little blessings in life slip by unnoticed. So I decided to make myself a list of my little, yet abundant, blessings, to remind myself of God’s love for me in this time of chaos.

1) The ability to buy a house. This is something I never thought would be possible for us, especially with Robert being military, but God has provided for us in ways I never thought possible. We just have to take the tedious steps that it takes to get to closing.

2) Beautiful little girls whose eyes and minds are so pure and innocent. In the current hecticness of life, I haven’t been taking the time, as I normally would, for extra snuggles and kisses. I have been getting frustrated with the millions of questions that toddlers ask instead of taking the time to fill their curious minds with knowledge. I am so thankful for their presence in my life and thankful that God trusts me enough to entrust them to my care. I am thankful for their love of reading, just like I have.


3) Daddy and his girls. I never got the chance to be a daddy’s girl when I was a kid, but it was something I desperately wanted for a long time. It warms my heart to see Robert interacting with the girls, reading books, snuggling, or simply telling them how much he loves them. It’s already blatantly obvious that, in the eyes of these little girls, daddy is perfect…and it brings me to tears when I stop and look at the love between a daddy and his girls.

4) Love. I am thankful for the example of love that Robert and I are able to give to our girls. A while back I read a quote that said, “the greatest thing a daddy can do for his kids is love their mommy.” And it hit me this afternoon when Mackenzie looked at a picture of Robert and I and said, “Mommy, you look beautiful in your dress. Aww, daddy is holding your hand. He’s so sweet to you.” I am so very thankful for a man who shows our daughters what love looks like and who takes joy in serving his family.

5) Family. My mom and spent most of my life having a strained relationship. The last year or so, things have finally started to look up and my relationship with my mom seems to be on the mend. I am thankful for a mom and step-dad who love me unconditionally, in spite of the pain I have caused them. I am thankful that they are wonderful grandparents and that my step-dad loves me and my daughters as if we were his own. I am also very thankful to now have a relationship with my dad in spite of the pain he caused our family when I was younger.

6) Dogs. We have two awesome dogs who love us probably more than we love them. They are protective and sweet all at the same time and the puppy has even taken to sleeping in the hallway, right in front of the girls’ rooms, to protect them.

This list is by no means complete. I’m sure there a million more things that I could add here, but now my sweet girls are up from their naps and I’m going to go have some play time 🙂

Parenting is Irrational

I am a mom. I am exhausted. I am drained. I am worn out. I am terrified of not being good enough. I am at my wits end. I am giving it everything I have. I am doing my best. I am lost.

I have two toddler girls. They are sweet and they are loving. They are smart as can be. They have huge smiles that shatter the foulest of moods. They are playful and they are fun. But they are toddlers. They are also strong-willed and (they think) independent. They throw temper tantrums and scream when they don’t get what they want, when they want it. They misbehave and ignore directions. They have short attention spans and they can’t focus on anything for very long. They are toddlers.

I am tired of reading books, articles, or blogs about parenting that tell me what I should or shouldn’t be doing. But for some reason, I still run back to them when I’m in a parenting crunch. All of these well meaning authors and writers are breaking down my perception of myself as a mom and as a person in general. I want to give my children the best life possible and I want to be the best mom that I can be. But when it comes to the “experts” or just well meaning, advice giving people, all I get out of it is a realization of all the ways I am ruining my children’s lives.

Every child is unique, as is every mom. So, thank you for your well meaning advice, but quite frankly I just can’t take it anymore. Comparison is the thief of joy; and the more I compare myself with other moms and what they are or aren’t doing, I am robbing myself and my children of joy in our relationship.

Parenting is hard; it’s just plain hard. The hours are long. The pay is bad. It often smells like poop. You get peed and puked on. You don’t get holidays off or sick days. Like I said, it’s hard. And now, with all the “experts” who apparently know everything there is to know about how to raise the perfect child, it’s only getting harder. Because we’re living in a world of comparisons. We live a culture that says you as mom should be doing it all.

I often catch slack about being “just a stay at home mom.” I’ve often wondered, if I went back to work, would it be easier? If I put my kids in daycare and let someone else do the raising for me, at least then I could blame someone else when my children misbehave. No, it wouldn’t be easier because it’s still my responsibility to raise my children and to teach them to love the Lord. It gets difficult, when I am the primary person responsible for my children’s upbringing and the only person I have to blame is myself. I think things like: if I had done this differently or done that sooner and if I taught them better or was more patient, then things would be better. Most of the time, I just want to know what I am doing wrong.

The number one thing I am doing wrong is comparing myself to all these other moms who I perceive as perfect. It looks to me, as an outsider looking in, that they have it all figured out and that they have perfect kids. But here’s the kicker…I don’t know what their inside lives are like, I only know what I see. All parents struggle. We all feel like sometimes we’re not good enough and that everyone but us has it figured out. But the truth is, none of us have it figured out. Any parent who says they have it all figured out and that they have perfect kids and would never do anything differntly is lying. It’s as simple as that; they are too afraid to be real.

It amazes me how easily two, two foot tall and 30 pound toddlers can bring me to the brink of a meltdown. These tiny little people who simply love me and want to be with me bring out the worst in me. I feel horrible when I lose my temper with them. They don’t deserve it and generally don’t understand. They are just toddlers who are trying to make sense of this big scary world we live in.

Our children all have one things in common, no matter how different their attitudes and personalities are…they are all little sinners and our job is to point them towards love, grace, and mercy. I don’t know about you, but I quite frequently fail at it. I give it everything I have and I try to be the best parent I can be. But when I’m exhausted from staying up half the night before with a sick kid or a kid who simply just didn’t want to sleep, it’s hard to be a gracious and merciful parent. It’s hard to be all that I should be when I’m all out of fight and I have no energy left and they won’t listen and I don’t know what to do.

In the end, I’m just thankful that I serve a God who gives me what I need to get through minute by minute. He gives me the strength when I don’t think I can handle another fight and when I just want to throw in the towel and give up. Parenting is insane. We choose to become parents knowing full well that we will lose sleep and sanity. And we continue to have more and more children, just adding to the chaos. Parenting is the most irrational thing that we do as humans…but we still continue to do it. Why? Because that’s what we’re called to do. Because, like God, we want someone to share our love with.

For me, the best moments are when we are sitting on the couch together just snuggling and reading a book. It’s a reminder that things will be okay and that there is still hope. It’s a reminder that I have not totally ruined my children’s lives and messed them up permanently. It’s a reminder that, that is all God wants from me, for me to curl up in His lap and read His book.

Next time you think you’re not a good enough parent, ask yourself why you think that? Is it because you think no one else struggles like you? Because you’re not doing what everyone else is doing? Because your house isn’t spotless and you don’t cook perfect meals three times a day? Stop comparing yourself to other moms. The simple fact that you worry about not being a good enough mom, means you’re a great mom. Stop letting comparison steal your joy. Let’s enjoy the moments we have with our children, good and bad (they’ll be gone soon), quit comparing ourselves to other moms, and support each other through it all. Remember, when you feel like you’re at your breaking point, that this is only a season, and like everything else, this too shall pass.

It’s too much pressure trying to live up to all the “advice” from the “experts” and our culture and I for one, can’t take it anymore.

I know for me, this song pretty much sums up my life on most days. But at the end of the day, when I don’t have the stength to go on, He lifts me and keeps me going. Thank God for redemption.

Who do You Trust for Protection?

For most of my life, I could only wonder at what is was like to be protected. I longed for that kind of protection that only a daddy could provide. I longed to feel like I was worth being protected. As I got older, I threw myself, head first, into horrible situations in hopes that it would be in that situation that a man, any man, would step up and protect me (it’s only in retrospect that I know the reasoning behind why I was doing such crazy things). But all the reckless behavior and perpetual lies only led to more disappointment and resentment when no one ever protected me they way I thought they should.

Through a series of unexpected, but fortunate, events, I’ve come to know that there’s only One who can protect me the way I want; the way I need. And I can’t expect my husband, my parents, or anyone else to protect me the way God can.

Last week, I was driving Robert’s truck down the highway at 70 mph with my parents and my kids in the truck. Out of nowhere a car comes over into our lane, running us off the road in the process. As soon as I saw that car, I gripped the wheel as hard as I could and swerved onto the shoulder, I was all I could do to control the truck once it hit the gravel and I did not think that I was going to be able to control it. I was sure that we would were going to crash into the guardrail. But somehow, the truck came to a stop. Shaking and scared, I looked at the backseat; my girls were safe, smiling, and ALIVE! But that’s when I noticed that Rylinn (2 years) had pulled her arms out of the straps in her car seat. IF we had wrecked, she likely would have been killed. If the car had hit us, the truck, most likely, would have flipped because of the height of the truck, the lowness of the car, and the slight angle of the road. I believe, had that happened, my mom, who was in the passenger seat where the car would have hit, and Rylinn would not have survived and that Mackenzie (3 years), my step-dad, and myself would have all been severely injured, if not dead. I don’t know what the outcome would’ve been if we had hit the guardrail, but I don’t think it would’ve been pretty and I don’t think Rylinn would have survived that either. These scenarios have played over and over in my mind and each time I think about it, I am simply amazed by God’s power and His great, great love.

After later talking about it, my mom told me not to give myself so little credit about not being able to control the truck because I did great and she was proud of me. But here’s the thing, I don’t think I stopped that truck – God did. It was definitely a “Jesus, take the wheel” moment. It only last a few seconds but it felt like hours and it was, quite possibly, the most terrifying moment of my life. It was a moment where, I believed, the lives of four of the people I love most in this world were in my hands and my actions would either save them or kill them. But what I’m realizing in retrospect is that their lives weren’t in my hands at all, they were, and are, in God’s.

That was the first time in my life that I have, that obviously, witnessed God’s hands protecting me. If it were only within my power, I would’ve lost control of the truck and we would’ve wrecked. I am so very thankful that I don’t have to go through life on my power alone; that God is with me through every step.

So my next point is about trust. Every day we trust in so many things, without even realizing it. When we get in our cars, we trust that they will work properly and get us safely to our destination. When we get on the road, we trust the drivers in the other vehicles to drive safely and abide by the laws of the road. When we eat at a restaurant, we trust that food we are ingesting will not make us sick. The list could go on and on and on, but I’m sure you get the picture by now.

We have to put our trust in something or someone, so where is it? I know that I struggle every day (at least once, if not more) with trusting in my own power when I have seen obvious situations (like the one above) where it is only by God’s power that I was able to be successful.

It’s only in trusting in God’s power and protection that we will be able to make it through this world with peace and joy. This world is hectic and chaotic and dangerous and without the understand God is ultimately in control of it, we’d be lost and drowning in our own worry.

I’m Just a Mom

I don’t have designer clothes; half the time I can’t even make it through one day without getting something spilled on my clothes. I don’t wear makeup; what’s the point when it’ll probably just get smudged or wiped off. I don’t know how to “do my hair”; I can do a pony tail or messy bun, that’s sufficient for me. I don’t know what’s on TV, what movies are playing, what actors are famous, or who is popular at the time; however, I do know what my kid’s favorite cartoons and books are. I don’t watch TV, I don’t even have cable; but I do read a lot.

Most of my days are spent playing, cooking, cleaning, and teaching. I get to spend my days with two of the cutest little people I’ve ever encountered. Three and (almost) two are fun ages. They are so absorbent and they pick on everything. Even things I don’t want them to. They think everything is funny. They want to help me clean and cook and generally end up making a bigger mess than I started with, but it’s so fun to watch them try. They are innocent, precious, and carefree. And I couldn’t be happier than to watch them grow and mature every day.

I’ve really been struggling lately with the kind of parent I am. I love them and would give them anything that it is in my power to give them. But the most important thing I want to give them is teaching them to love Jesus. I often feel like I’ve failed. When they have a day where they won’t listen and they’re running my ragged, I just want to throw in the towel…but I don’t, I love them too deeply to consider that. God entrusted me with these two little girls; He trusts me to make the right decisions for them, to protect them, to care for them, to nurture them, to teach them, to lead them, to show the grace…the list goes on. It’s kind of intimidating in a way, to recognize that God trusts me this much, that He gave me these gifts…even after all I’ve done.

Sometimes I get caught up in what the world sees in me – I’m just a mom, I’m not cool or popular, I’m not stylish, I’m not famous, I’m not classy, I’m only kind of smart. But what my kids see when they look at me is so much more than that – I am their mom, I am the most popular person in their lives, I am famous and brilliant. They see me through eyes of dependence and innocence; the eyes of a child that have yet to be distorted by the world.

I want to protect them from everything. I never want them to hurt. But the truth is they will hurt and I’m not loving them if I don’t let them experience pain. What I need to do, as a loving parent, is teach them how to endure pain and who to turn to when they are hurting. I need to teach them that God is the only One who can heal them.

1 Peter 3:17 – For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil.

I have expectations for myself in being a mom, and most of time I can’t measure up to them. But the good news is that I am the only one with these expectations. Because in reality, the only expectation God has of me is to trust Him and depend on Him. His grace alone is what gets me through and I need to share that with my kids.

So for now, I’m just a mom, and I’m okay with that.

My Thoughts on Random Things

Recently I have been thinking a lot about a few things. So I’m going to share those thoughts thoughts with you.

1) The shooting in Colorado was a tragedy. It was a horrendous act of evil, that traumatized many lives. The shooter was a man who chose to commit an evil deed and we will probably never know the reasons.why he did it. It seems that most people want this young man to get the death penalty. However, if you ask my opinion, I don’t want him to. I would rather he goes to jail for the rest of his life. I do not have a moral objection to the death penalty, my objection to the Aurora, CO shooter is rooted in two other beliefs. First of all, because of the amount of appeals he will get once on death row, he will end up sitting on death row for probably about 30 years, using our tax dollars to pay his legal fees. Less American tax dollars would be spent if he was sentenced to life in prison than if he was sentenced to death. Secondly, (and some may get angry with me for this thought) I pray that he’ll learn about the forgiveness that is offered to him through Jesus Christ. If he is executed, he may never get that chance. I think we sometimes get caught up in praying for the victims and their families (and don’t get me wrong, I am not saying we shouldn’t be praying for them), and we forget to also pray for the  shooter and his family. The shooter needs Jesus just as much as the rest of us do. It’s hard to believe sometimes, when something like this happens, that God still loves the shooter just as much as He loves the victims. I think that this situation is one of those times where we look at the sin of another and we tell ourselves that our own sin isn’t that bad. But we tend to forget that all sin is the  same to God. Sin is sin, it’s as simple as that.

2) Here are my thoughts on Army wives. I am a 24 year old Army wife, married to a junior enlisted man, with two kids. Stereotypes would tell you that I do nothing, that my kids run around like crazy animals, and that I have no education. Here’s the problem with that stereotype: I work hard to take care of my family, clean the house, cook meals, take my kids places, play with my kids, and teach my kids. I do many jobs, and I don’t get breaks or a day off. My kids are pretty well behaved and understand, as much as a 1 and 3 year old can, the difference in right and wrong. I have a Bachelors degree and I am in the process of going back to school for my Masters degree. I am not lazy, uneducated, or neglectful to my children. I am just like any other stay at home mom, who’s just trying to do what’s best for my family. So next time you meet a young Army wife with a few kids, don’t assume the worst of her. She will probably surprise you 😉

3) Chick-fil-a. I think it is sad that the President of the company cannot state his personal beliefs without getting attacked. He did not state anything offensive or rude, he simply stated his opinion, his beliefs. Tolerence is preached to us from an early age. Be tolerent of others. But see, my problem with this is that the people who expect tolerence from others aren’t willing to give tolerence. At no time did anything with Chick-fil-a have anything to do with intolerence of homosexuals or gay marriage, however, those people are intolerent of anyone who doesn’t share their perspective. That’s just insane. I like to think I am a pretty tolderent person. I know that everyone has their own beliefs and as much as I would love for EVERYONE to share the same belief I have, the belief in a God who loves you and will save you no matter what, we all know that, that’s not going to happen. All I can continue to do is share the love of God with those around me in hopes that they will see all He has to offer. But one thing I am intolerent of…intolerence. It just drives me bonkers! It seems like intolerent people don’t want tolerence, they want everyone to believe and think the exact same way they do. Which, by the way, will never happen!! lol

I also just want to post a disclaimer, that I am not judging anyone in this post. I am not criticizing or demeaning anyone, I am simply stating my opinion and my thoughts.

God Bless.